Lugo: One Shortstop Who Has Been Here Way Too Long

Somebody answer these two mind-boggling questions for me.  How does Julio Lugo get 36 million dollars over four years from the Boston Red Sox?  And why was Theo always drooling over him?  If he continues to get paid for the current brutal baseball clinic he’s been putting on, then that drool is going to turn into spit. 

Loogie's the boringest (his game made it a word) .271 hitter I’ve ever seen, with a glove that’s as useless as the ones those sweaty lunch ladies wore in my High School.  And after today’s error exhibition, two on throws, Julio Lugo might be moving into Steve Sax territory.  If you don’t remember Sax’ throwing issues, then I’ll just say that Lugo’s a chip off the old Knoblauch.  Sax and Knoblauch (strangely enough both Yankees at time of throwing disease) had one of those mysterious mental issues, where they just could not throw it to first without an array of problems. In the dirt, high, low, pulling the first baseman off the bag, hitting announcers in the press box, every throw was an adventure.  I remember Knoblauch sometimes just shot putting it over to first, or under handing it, praying he’d get an out.  I don’t think he ever came out of it, and his whole career went down hill. Luckily for little Lugo, his game never got near any hilltops.

I don’t know if Lugo is in the Sax/Knoblauch category yet, but he does seem to be one of those guys who would be susceptible to mental conflicts. He concentrates so hard out there, I think he confuses himself. To be honest, I almost hope he does come down with the puzzling STD (Shortstop's Throwing Disease), it would be fun for a little while, and then hopefully he'll error himself off the field and we’ll find somebody else before it gets contagious.  I didn’t like his game last year and was hoping that the Sox would say screw it, we’ll eat his 36 million dollar mistake for the next few years and find some young exciting player.  And if the Sox don’t have that player, then bring in Sax and Knobluach for a try out.  Because if they stick with Lugo’s wild throws, Giant Glass will likely hire him as a poster boy.

I’m not going to blame Lugo for this weekend’s example of how to let the Blue Jays crap all over you, but he’s an easy pigeon to pick on.  On top of all his defensive woes, his bats been as ugly as the one Ozzy Osbourne bit in half.  The Sox were down three in the ninth, with Lowell and Varitek on and two outs.  And for some unexplainable reason, Francona let Lugo try to make his already bad day worse.  And he did.  He flew out to center to end the game.  We needed a home run and everyone and their breathing brother knew Lugo had no chance.  It was as likely to happen as Pesky staying up past 9pm.

We have a pretty good left-handed hitter in Sean Casey on the bench and for whatever reason Terry stuck with his guns.  Yeah, his cap gun. No punch, and reminds me of Judy.   If Lugo were a car, he’d be a Yugo.  The Lugo Yugo mobile would be cheap (his contract should be), not exciting (even his rare home runs seem to snore through the air) and small (you can’t make 36 million dollars when your 165 pounds). I don’t know how he did it, but he’s one lucky Lugo.  He could easily be in single A ball trying desperately to beat out Michael Jordan and Bill Crystal for a spot on the roster.  I mean, he’s a decorated batboy at most to me. Maybe a Little League assistant coach. I’ve seen enough.  I don’t care if he gets hot and tears it up, I’ll always picture him driving that old beat up brown Yugo with a broken windshield and a vanity plate that says E-6.

If the Sox are going to get swept by the Sky Domo homos, then someone has to take a beating.  Lugo’s my man.  I’ve been waiting for another reason to blast him for over a year now.   I made it through last year somehow without tracking him down and letting the air out of his Yugo’s tires, but now I’m ready to start slashing.  I’m going to opening day and can’t wait until that first throw ends up in the dug out.  I’ll hold up my Yugo E-6 sign and you guys will be able to put a face to the Lugo basher.  Wouldn’t it be fun if that happened? I’m not big on bringing signs to a game (in fact have never done it for obvious non-homo reasons), but this might be a time to bust one out. 

The likelihood of Yugo being stricken with that Sax/Knoblauch mental midget throwing disorder, and me proudly holding up my homemade Yugo E-6 poster board, just might be a sign of things to come. Until then, if you see the Lugo Yugo mobile in your neighborhood, you know who’s coming.  Who Leo?